Well, here we are at the dawn of another year. I am not a very accomplished resolution maker, much less resolution keeper, but lately I’ve been thinking about a little book that came into my life some years ago when I was going through a difficult patch. I was a member of a small group of women who read spiritually-based, self-help (what a worn-out adjective that is) books. Few of these served to enlighten me, although the group was supportive and we laughed a lot which is the best antidote for most any ailment.
The book that stands out from that time is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. Ruiz is a kind of shaman of the Toltec tradition. Toltec wisdom arises from the same essential unity of truth as other sacred esoteric traditions that are found all over the world. The four agreements are seemingly simple:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Don’t Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best
But in fact they are complex and not easy to remember, much less practice. I do know that when I was conscious of them for a time in the past, they helped me be more thoughtful about myself and others. With a new year and a new home, I think it might be worth remaking these agreements with myself.
With the recent death of Nelson Mandela and all the replay and analysis of his life in the media, I realized that he lived these four agreements and that by practicing them, he changed the world. Not that he even knew about them. Really, they are a synthesis of beliefs and teachings from nearly every religion. They contain elements of forgiveness, non-violence, truth, love, and transformation. That’s pretty powerful for four short sentences.
The first agreement is about speech. It asks us to speak the truth, not to gossip, to use the power of our words in the direction of truth and love.
The second agreement is hard to remember and sort out, but Ruiz says nothing that others do is because of you. We each have our own reality. This is so hard to keep in mind, but if you can believe it and remember it, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. And knowing that someone else is suffering allows you to forgive and have compassion. For me, this also means I need to have compassion for myself.
Then there is that source of so much unhappiness – assumptions. I can hear myself saying about any number of misunderstandings, “But I assumed….” Again it comes back to communication. It takes patience and sometimes courage to clarify our desires, or hear directions, or express doubts. It’s often so easy to just keep moving ahead. Keeping communication open avoids most misunderstandings, sadness and drama.
As to the fourth agreement, sometimes you can hit the ball squarely, sometimes you miss. Ruiz thinks that the miss is fine as long as you are doing your best. It requires real consciousness to be aware of what and how you are doing at a given moment. You can’t do your best if you’re not conscious.
I have no illusions about changing the world, but there are lots of times when I would like to make my little sphere of operation a better place, and so I think I will revisit these agreements and see if the year ahead can be more conscious, more thoughtful, less hurried, with plenty of room for forgiveness. And don’t forget to laugh!
Happy new year.