Its 5:30am. I’m woken up by the sounds of my husband having a one-sided heated argument with the Amazon Alexa in the kitchen. For some reason she doesn’t understand what he’s asking for and no amount of yelling will fix it.
The next sound I hear is him sighing loudly. This loud sighing is often accompanied with bellowing moans followed by gigantic yawns. We fight about him doing this in public all the time.
Seems to me, instead of getting older he’s just getting louder. If you’ve run into Zach these past few months then I’m sure at some point he’s mentioned his foot. He’s telling everybody. I first heard about the foot issue back in July. In addition to me, he’s told his mom, my mom, his brother, my brother, my sister, a 7-year-old, my sister-in-law’s aunt, her husband, a nice old lady at the Fall Festival, his co-workers, my co-workers, people he meets at parties and just anyone else that will listen.
I looked up his symptoms and determined he had plantar fasciitis. We then explored all the remedies. The problem is, if it doesn’t cure the issue overnight the moaning and belly aching continues. We bought a foot massager, $150 shoes, and insoles cut by an outdoor enthusiast to no avail. He keeps on complaining.
I made a doctor’s appointment so that he could tell someone new about his foot and perhaps get some help. The doctor simply said “You’re on the right track” and sent him home to ME!
This foot of his has caused fights in the car, the store and in our living room. I have threatened to cut it off in his sleep. I’ve told him that I hated his foot (Not my finest moment). We begin each day with foot drama and end each night with foot related grief. It has been exactly ZERO days since we talked about foot-related pain!
Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy and I feel terrible that he’s in constant pain. There are a few moments where we get a good laugh out of how many different people he tells in a day about his foot. I try to reassure him and support him through this terrible time (insert smirk).
If there is anyone out there with a cure, please contact Zach immediately. We will accept any form of cure: Magic, voodoo, herbal and unconventional.
Meanwhile in the peak of foot drama I’m on the cusp of 50 and that means sweating at night for no reason. I have patches of dry skin right next to oily skin next to a zit. I am mad most of the time except when I’m crying because I’m happy. I’ve gained weight drinking water and I can’t sleep at night or during the day. As a matter of fact, meat gives me insomnia, dairy gives me gas and I can’t watch the news anymore because it gives me anxiety.
When we met in our 20s, we nursed each other’s hangovers and now I’m buying orthopedic socks for my beloved. We get our blood drawn together at the local clinic.
I guess this is growing old together. I don’t know why I never expected fasting labs, hot flashes and foot pain.