Well I did it. I thought it would be fun to write about my darling Sammi. Well guess what? Her newfound fame has gone to her head and Patagonia now has its very own Diva, the Lady GaGa of Patagonia. Just try living with a diva.
It started with her drinking water- she shunned Patagonia tap water and will only drink Perrier with a squeeze of key lime. Her metal water bowl needed to be replaced by a model from Steuben. I should have known this would happen.
Meals are now a whole new experience. Prior to her recently found fame, the “Healthy Weight” dry food from Costco was just fine — no more. Now she insists on lightly sautéed Kobi beef tenderloin tips with an au jus served on fine china. Try finding Kobi beef in Patagonia. It ain’t easy.
Beauty is of course important to a diva, so it’s weekly pedicures. Since she has no hands I don’t have to cover manicures, but there are twice as many pedicures. And there are the bubble baths at PetSmart and full body massages. It used to be that one belly rub a day would suffice- now it’s at least two and they had better last as long as she wants or else, regardless of how tired my arm gets.
She has mentioned how nice it would be to have an inside doggy liter box, lined with sod. This is actually a great idea, especially when it rains or it’s 11 o’clock at night in December. I have tried to explain to her that my landlady would probably not think that was such a great idea and it would take up most of the guest room which I guess would be okay since I never have any guests.
Her latest demand? She wants me to get 8 x 10 glossies and a pink stamp pad and she will sell autographed photos for $2.50 each. Now this isn’t all that stupid since at least this could help defray the cost of the Perrier.
Lord knows what demands she will come up with next. There was a mention of a dog collar from either Louis Vuitton or Gucci. This has got to stop.
You might ask how she taught me all the new rules – well it’s trial and error until I get it right. Otherwise I find a surprise waiting for me in the living room.
Actually I’m kidding.
Sammi is no diva. She is still the same wonderful companion she was before she became famous. She eats the Costco dog food which is good. She drinks tap water. She sleeps on the bed, most of the bed, where she occasionally lets go a gas bomb that peels the paint off the wall. I don’t think divas do that—certainly no one would bring it to their attention. Life is pretty much unchanged.
All in all Sammi is her same wonderful self. And I love her a lot, a whole lot.