Usually when a guy walks up to you at a street fair and asks if you would like a free mammogram, your first line of defense should be to cut and run.
I’m not sure if it was because of the street fair or the bright pink t-shirt or the obvious lisp when he said “excuse me ladies,” but something made me stop and listen to what he had to say. After stuffing a flyer in my hand, he went on to say that “for this weekend only, free mammograms will be given in that RV right over there.” He gestured to a side street. I laughed. Nope, not taking my shirt off in a strange RV at a street fair. Nice try.
My friend and I kept walking and eventually made it to the main street. As we do every year at the fair, my friend bought bath bombs and candles while I looked desperately for mini donuts. Every now and then we laughed about the prospect of a mammogram in a van and kept perusing the booths and shops along 4th Ave.
After lunch and on our way back down the avenue we were once again confronted by someone offering free mammograms. This time it was a woman. For some reason, this made it seem more legit. Suddenly the prospect of a free mammogram didn’t seem so shady. My friend agreed and encouraged me to do it.
Was it a dare? Maybe. Either way I found myself at the free mammogram booth on the side street. I was handed a clip board with the standard medical paperwork. No red flags or weird questions.
The guy with the pink T-shirt was there. I thought to myself that if I went in the RV and he was there I would immediately fight my way out. I was happy to see him wander off with an armload of flyers. So far so good. I finished the paperwork and handed it to a lady that seemed to be in charge. She looked it over and asked a few follow-up questions. I looked over at my friend, and it was obvious that she was enjoying this.
I stood there for a moment in the sun and realized that I could still run. It was then that I was summoned to the RV. I walked slowly and took one last look back at my friend. Why am I volunteering for this? Too late.
Before I knew it, I was topless and standing on my tiptoes getting the big squeeze. The whole time I was nervously chatting with the tech about the strange circumstance that brought us together in this RV. I could tell she was trying to ease my mind about how very normal this all was.
It was all over in a flash. I got dressed and prepared for my walk of shame out of the RV. I stepped out to see my friend smiling at me from the street. A lady from the booth came over and handed me a goodie bag and congratulated me. She then informed me that I would be receiving a letter with my results in 2 to 3 weeks.
As of today, I have yet to receive my letter. I hope it is because of the holidays and not because I let some strange people give me a fake mammogram in an RV at a street fair. I should have cut and run straight to the donut booth.
Cassina Farley can be contacted at cassinaandzachfarley@msn.com