Fact: New Year’s resolutions are for suckers. You make them, you break them and by February you are sitting in your truck at the post office digging the last peanut M&M out of the crack in the seat. So much for the no sugar thing. If you still feel the need to indulge this age old tradition, here’s a guide for your resolution needs.
1. Don’t resolve to give up your favorite food. You are setting yourself up for failure. I tried giving up bread once, didn’t work out on account of my need for toast daily. Instead try giving up kale. You’ll hardly miss it.
2. Exercise. Don’t say you are going to go to the gym more and then go out and buy all of those silly workout clothes. (I once had to watch a fellow in a pair of short shorts ride a stationary bike, but that’s another story for another time). Every January the gym fills up with those “fair weather exercisers” taking up space grunting, gasping and sometimes farting their way to never coming back again. You’ll show up twice, pull a groin and donate your clothes to the thrift store. Take a walk instead and leave the gym to those folks that are now eating all that kale you gave up.
3. No resolutions made on the dance floor in the sweaty embrace of a dance partner you just met count. Example: “I am so going to run for Town Council” or “I want to try to live off the land for a year” or “Let’s resolve to be together forever.” Nothing you say during a drunken dance party can be taken seriously and this is a good thing. This will prove helpful if the sweaty dance partner follows you home.
4. Once a resolution is made, tell no one. That way it’s between you and the dog as to whether you followed through or not. My dog is non-judgmental and will be glad when I fail at giving up beef jerky.
5. Maybe you are having trouble coming up with a resolution at all. Here’s a hint: after the New Year’s Eve party make a list of everything you did and then at the beginning write “Stop” this should be a good start.
All jokes aside, what the world needs most right now is kind people. So resolve to be kind. It’s a simple resolution and can be restarted over and over again. It doesn’t involve kale or workout clothes and it can be done by anyone, anywhere. Happy New Year Patagonia and Welcome 2016!